i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
