ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
