Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
