so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
