y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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