worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
