I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
