Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
