Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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