as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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