I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
