nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
