I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
