So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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