I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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