yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
