Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
