I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
