I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
