Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's the barista slut.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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