she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
