I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
