Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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