just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
