It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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