so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
