its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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