the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
