You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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