does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
