his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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