does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
