Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
