So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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