I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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