How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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