I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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