I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
