I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
