Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
