its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
