zippers are such a cool invention
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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