brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
