This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
