Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
