i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
