new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
