What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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