I think I died a long time ago.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
