You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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