Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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