quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
