Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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