It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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