Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bring me that man meat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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