You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
