It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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