We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
