is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
