FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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