My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
