I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
