i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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