I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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