I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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