i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
