he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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