Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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