if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like abortions should bother me more
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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