I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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