It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
