i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
